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- Margaret Atwood

yesterday, me and Nate were walking back from Subway (where he likes to take many of his meal-related constitutionals), and suddenly i’m walking by myself up Montrose. i turn around, and he’s got a door-tag flyer in his hand, cackling to himself. it’s got a deal for two large pizzas: $9.99. 

i’m like,

“did you just steal someone else’s pizza flyer??”

like i’m trying to create an opportunity for disbelief.

and he’s all,

“it’s my pizza flyer now.” 

i don’t even know why this tickled me so much. either that he was genuinely stoked to have obtained information about Little Caesars obscurely-documented, limited-time-only SUPER GRANDE pizza-for-$9.99-deal or because he bothered to lift it off of somebody else’s wrought iron gate. that poor son of a bitch (or those poor sons of bitches) could have families to support, all on one pizza. the same pizza that Nate is going to snarf down with pleasure over the course of several horror movies, and between naps. 

not that i’m surprised. because hoodrats are happier in relationships with other hoodrats, and i still pick up things off the street that look like they might be useful… but jesus. i’ve never stolen someone else’s promotional mail. that’s got a level to it. a level i may never acheive, but was so happy to observe. i still sort of feel bad, though. thinking about other people paying like $15.99 or whatever for a regular large pizza. it’s better that they never know. 

about to Discount Dance and bedazzle my way to joy.

bigredrobot:

This is a thing that exists. Do what you will with this information.

well i’d buy that for 6 dollars. 

audition clothes. i’m wearing a schlubby medium-beige tank top, jeggings, rite-aid sneakers, a vaguely American-Apparel looking hoodie (worn open), a dumb scarf, no blush, my hair is in a low bun. my bangs are maybe a little too cropped and immediate for total shitbag perfection. might have thought of that before 3 am drunk scissors wielding session, and all the fixing i had to do after that. 

i’m supposed to be playing a chick who doesn’t have her shit together (success is imminent?). all of these items are from my own closet, yes. but i would never wear them all at the same time out in public. people dress like this all the time, to like…go get coffee. i feel more like a mental patient than usual. 

basically. born in east-east LA.

i really don’t get Klout. i have it. i’m trying to get it. but it tells me all kind of things i don’t understand. like when people add me as an “influencer.” or what “topics” i’m “influential” about. Klout thinks i’m influential in 14 (14??). here is what they are, in descending order. see if you can help me figure this out:

1. Parties: okay come on guys, i don’t party that much. Klout seems to think i’m pledging for membership in a fraternity. this is my number ONE most influential topic. i think probably because i refer to partying a lot in the digital ether, (“gonna have a sexy party with my allergies and my synthesizer and a bottle of Chuck in my room…try not to be so jealous.”) in fact, tonight i’m partying in a Nightmare Before Christmas tank top and it’s on, i’m not even waiting for my allergies to show up. 

2. Camera: “Camera”? singular form? not “cameras”? not “the camera.” why am i not influential about grammar and syntax? i try so hard to be. 

3. Music: this i can sort of understand because my twitter feed is largely composed of alternate bitching about dubstep / neo-folk / classic rock and almost every kind of musical genre, and swooning over the works of every band i’ve listened to since high school (i’m boring). no shocks here. just can’t believe it’s number three. must ramp up the dubstep hatred and be more relevant than parties. 

4. Skype: WEIRD. i think this statistic based on how much i used Twitter to alert @brickchewer and @vutastic about the Skype 3 way we never seem to have. 

5. Clothing: I can’t believe this is 5th on the list. Klout should think i’m way more influential about clothing! at least more influential than i am about Skype! come on, Klout! 90% of what i talk about on the internet is my god damn clothes!!

6. Technology: this is dumb and i’m not even going to comment on it. other than to say that eventually i’m going to mind-upload with a software dolphin tail and conduct my life peacefully as a mer-babe after the year 2220. 

7. Tumblr: yes. i fucking use it. 

8. iPhone: yes. i fucking have one. 

9. Facebook: i don’t believe i’m carrying this torch alone. 

10. Hollywood: okay? i mean…i work there. so… i guess? i can’t necessarily rep it though because i don’t live there anymore. i did in 2006. maybe my Klout score is stuck in the past. 

11. Beer: YES! i’m influential about beer! i didn’t even have my first whole beer until like 2 years ago…but since then i’ve made great progress! actually i have to say there’s merit to this because unofficially i earned my Level 1 Beer Cicerone Certification (the fact i eve know there’s more than one level is proof), when i was working at Mohawk Bend. i became competent and confident with beer. you think you don’t like beer? so did i. i can prove you wrong. so yeah. thanks, Klout. i’ll take this from you. 

12. Math: this is one of the last things on the list so i’m almost willing to let it slide, but THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY I’M INFLUENTIAL ABOUT MATH. sorry, Klout! i’m the bitch who cried my way through my first long-division worksheet, i CAN NOT do math in my head. do you know what happens when i do math in my head??

i die.  

13. pizza: cool!! what??

14. food: okay. i take it back. i tweet about food and snacks all the time. i live to snack, snack to live. food snacks have given me my life back over and over again. i’ve never eaten anything without snacks. come to think of it, i should be WAY more influential about food. i’m going to make an effort to. 

i’d like to add some topics, that i can’t believe they don’t know i’m influential about.

cats come to mind.

also Hulu / hating Hulu.

why am i not influential about makeup/Destiny’s Child/Veganism/tattoos??? 

come on that is some obvious shit! maybe i’m not as annoying as i used to be about those things but i REFUSE to believe it. 

oh my god oh my GOD.